It’s Not The World, It’s You

Drew Gerald Sexual Healing Link

Our media and culture has been hijacked. It views men as predators, rapists, pigs, wimps or jerks, clueless, sex-fiends, and void of compassion. It views women as victims, sluts, objects, bitches, sexually-uninterested, and weak. It takes the actions of a handful of people and generalizes out to stereotype billions.

…and then advertisements sell us the opposite image.

Good men and women are becoming paralyzed to express their heart’s desire out of fear of being seen these ways. Masculine men are seen as outdated and dangerous. Feminine women are seen as outdated and weak. They are told to be ashamed for who they are: fat, skinny, white, black, too sexual, too prude, straight, gay, too passive, too aggressive, dominate, submissive, old fashioned, liberal… ad nauseam.

You can’t win – and it’s designed that way.

The media sensationalizes. It thrives off of dramatic emotional conflicts, focuses on placing blame and fault, encourages complaining, and manufactures confusion. It keeps people in a state of stress, fear, and distrust.

We can’t win a battle that’s raging inside of us by fighting it in the outside world.

People who have been hurt are a resonate match to these ideas and are validated in their suffering, and are justified to act out this cycle in day-to-day life. The hatred, hurt, and resentment are spread virally through blogs, news headlines, and social media – often paraded as “righteousness”.

At the extreme, the “facts” and experience of life prove to them a reality of an evil, dangerous, miserable world. One where they are helpless victims to a grand “battle of the sexes” and must protect themselves at all costs.

And they are totally right – they are victims. They are completely justified. It’s not fair or right. They have every valid reason to passionately fight for great social change – we need it (and always will).

Okay, and…? Now what?

On that path, the cycle continues forever. Hate can’t solve the problem it began.

Protection is an illusion of the ego, eclipsing the underlining fear through isolation.

The hurt never truly heals. The deep violation never goes away. There is not true forgiveness of self and other. There is no acceptance of responsibility. There is no self-empowerment without a disempowering of another. The bad things never seem to stop happening.

The quest for vindication, justice, and annihilation of their “enemy” is a zero-sum game. We can’t force everyone to change. All crusades result in loss. Nobody wins in the “battle of the sexes”. Nobody wins when we’re attacking or afraid of our neighbors.

We can’t win a battle that’s raging inside of us by fighting it in the outside world.

This is a world ran by hurt people hurting people.

Look around you – this is the result.

* * *

Notice how you feel.

I’m betting it’s not a particularly joyous emotion. Every single line I wrote in the above section was about something negative or disempowering – no wonder!

That’s one way to see the world. You can guess how the story ends in that reality.

Now, here’s another way:

  • A view of the world that sees women as radiant, loving, empowered, beautiful, compassionate, brilliant, powerful, soft, sexy, feminine, nurturing, safe, happy, approachable, confident, kind, open, and gracious.
  • A view of the world that sees men as strong, sensitive, caring, safe, protecting, loving, compassionate, confident, masculine, smart, open, playful, determined, purposeful, healthy, leading, sensual, trustworthy, and empowered.
  • A view of the world where I’m safe to be who I am, confident, playful, sexual, intuitive, loving, open, friendly, generous, passionate, and successful.
  • A view of the world where people love me, and want to be loved by me. Where potential lovers want to be approached and seduced by me. Where they love and celebrate sex. Where everything they are and everything I am is not only okay, but cherished.
  • A view of the world where men and women love each other as equals, not rivals. Where relationships are two wholes coming together, not two halves. Where good people experience hurt by good people – leading them to both grow, forgive, and open up to even deeper love.
  • A view of the world where people don’t need to be saved because they’re powerful, sovereign, complete beings. Where I’m responsible for my happiness and my partner is responsible for theirs, and I don’t need to change or control them to make me happy.

How might the story end differently in this reality?

This is a world ran by loving people loving people.

It’s how I choose to see the world.

This is my reality and that of many friends and clients. Not because we’re special or lucky, but because we’ve chosen it. Most of us actually lived in a world I described in the beginning. But we’ve healed and let go of ideas that weren’t serving us and adopted ones that did, despite the “facts” to the contrary.

I have no interest in what “the facts” say about what’s real or not. The difference between fact and fallacy is only one more piece of data, and data is limitless.

I can’t “prove” to you that any of this is how things “really are”. Honestly, you can probably show me irrefutable evidence to prove me wrong.

Now what? Here we are again.

Neither of these perspectives are right or wrong, better or worse, true or false. I’m not here debating validity – I’m here discussing results.

As a coach, I’m more interested in what’s supportive, rather than what’s “real”. What empowers you to live a loving, fulfilling, abundant life of growth and joy.

The difference between fact and fallacy is only one more piece of data, and data is limitless.

I want you to be empowered. I want to you to love yourself. I want you to feel safe, cherished, and secure in your own skin. I want you to fall back in love with the wonders of the world as a child. I want you to live free and open to possibilities. I want you to thrive in a functional relationship with your soulmate who respects you because you respect yourself. I want you to see yourself as I do – an unlimited powerful creator.

But you won’t let any of that happen if your model of reality doesn’t allow it.

So if your views on sexuality, spirituality, and self aren’t supportive of your deepest desires – perhaps it’s time to change them.

That’s what I did.

I wanted to live a wonderful life and have incredible relationships with amazing women. I wanted to be at peace and open up to profound love. I wanted success and happiness.

But I had none of that: just a world of struggle, rejection, fear, and resentment for two decades. Eventually, I realized that despite how valid and real it felt to me, that reality sucked.

Thus, I chose what I wanted instead and began to change it.

We alway have the choice.

What world do you choose?