He looks at you with those piercing eyes, simultaneously taking all of you in and penetrating your mind with his gaze. You feel it in your solar plexus; the rush begins.
Do you surrender immediately?
His smile – mischievous, warm, and welcoming – you feel the connection as you reflect his joy. You wonder if it’s supposed to happen like this.
Have you surrendered already?
A slight grazing of his fingertips across your arms; the jolt of electricity shooting through your body, sparking your desire. Your heart starts to pound slightly faster. The rush continues.
Do you surrender to the truth of the moment, or do you feel shame for the quickness or easiness of your desire and deny it instead?
He grabs the front of your shirt, pulling you in face-to-face. Heart beating faster, breath quickening. It’s almost obvious he’s going to kiss you, but you’re not quite sure.
Do your thoughts begin to race, or you do you let get go of them and surrender to the thrill you feel in your body?
His hands slide to your check, pulling you in for the kiss.
Do you deny yourself and play hard to get, or do you let go of the ego and surrender to the kiss?
He grabs your hand, and with a sly grin, leads you into the bedroom.
Do you surrender to his lead and embrace intimacy, or resist and deny yourself?
He pins your body against the wall with his weight, pinning your arms above your head. You’re vulnerable, willingly trapped in a very dominated position.
Do you submit to his desire for you and allow yourself to be tasted and touched, or do you struggle and fight back (beyond simple play-resisting) in order to remain in control?
He turns you around, face and chest towards the wall, smelling your neck, kissing your shoulders. Your body is starting to act on its own, bucking backwards into him. You’re getting really turned on, it’s hard to deny it at this point.
Do you allow yourself to feel the arousal begin to take over, or do you continue to fight it?
His hand makes its way down your torso, sliding down in-between your legs. He can feel how hot you are, which excites him.
Do you give him the admittance of your desire for him, or do you deny both him and yourself of your arousal?
He begins to massage.
Do you surrender to his intimate advances and your desire to be touched explicitly, or do you fight back and resist because you can’t possibly “give it up” that soon?
You’re getting wet. So wet in fact, he feels it through your panties.
Have you allowed yourself to be seen aching and yearning for him, or are you denying him all credit for turning you on?
They are now dropped around your ankles. His finger on your clit – finally. He massages more. It feels wonderful. Your heart races faster as he goes to slide it inside.
Do you surrender and let him in, or are you still keeping him at bay emotionally or physically?
Now on your back, he begins to go down on you. Legs and thighs spread open, you are completely exposed and vulnerable.
Do you shy away or surrender to his tongue?
You feel the pleasure spreading. It’s getting incredibly intense; a red, hot, wet, throbbing aching of pleasure.
Do you allow yourself to feel good, or does the guilt overpower your truth?
It’s time to get naked.
Do you insecurely insist you take only certain articles of clothing off yourself in the dark, or do you let go and let him enjoy undressing you and seeing the beauty of your curves?
He tells you to get on your knees.
Are you still “fighting the patriarchy” or have you submitted to his desire yet?
As you take him inside of your mouth, he moans and gazes down at you in pleasure. You can see he’s basking in what you’re doing with your lips and tongue.
Do you embrace his enjoyment of you and surrender to pleasuring him, or do you do it passionless and in obligation?
He bends you over the bed and prepares to enter you.
Are you still throwing up your walls in panic, or have you finally allowed yourself to be penetrated?
Inside of you, he begins to thrust. You gasp. The pleasure is incredible. You moan loader.
Yes his penis is technically in your vagina, but can you feel him… have you actually let him inside of you?
The pleasure is intense. Your pussy is aching. You can feel his cock throbbing.
Do you accept that you’re capable of giving him so much satisfaction and pleasure, or do you play small?
He grabs your hair into a fist and pulls, sliding all the way in.
Do you surrender to the ecstasy and allow yourself to be fucked completely, or are you holding back not wanting to look “too slutty”?
He begins to talk dirty. Despite what you’ve been told, it actually turns you on even more. These words, said by him in this certain way – rather than offend you – make you feel like a powerful, sexual, feminine creature.
Do you express yourself as well or hold back in paralysis?
In missionary position, your bodies are aligned and connected.
Do you open to the intimacy and allow all your energy centers to connect, or do you shut some of them down denying yourself of love?
You are now delirious with pleasure, it’s building and building… building and building… the pleasure growing and getting stronger and stronger… he’s thrusting at the perfect pace and you’re going wild… you feel yourself reaching climax… the pleasure builds just a little bit more… until…
Do you surrender? Did you let go yet …or are you still holding on to something?
Do you allow yourself to climax? To have an explosive orgasm? To squirt, to come, to scream, to moan, to explode all over him?
Do you allow yourself to be fucked into oblivion and surrender to orgasm after orgasm after orgasm? Do you surrender to love and intimacy in all forms, regardless of “labels”? Do you allow yourself to experience everything you desire to feel?
* * *
When (or if) you surrender in this process is up to you. There’s no right or wrong place. It will vary from situation to situation, partner to partner. I have noticed, however, that the earlier on you can surrender, the more enjoyment you’re able to have. The connection is deeper, the pleasure is longer, and the orgasms come faster and more frequent. The walls are down, and you’re able to have intimacy with healthy boundaries.
Unfortunately, many women never surrender at all; holding on so much they never reach orgasm. The possible reasons are infinite, but always trace to back to some form of fear or stress.
You may say that such surrender requires you to feel safe, confident, attractive, cared for, respected, acknowledged, appreciated, presence, and powerfully lead. And you’re totally right. But they’re feelings and states, not widgets a man can handover to you.
A Remarkable Lover may show up in all these ways, but you have to go there. You’re the only one who can allow yourself to feel and experience what you want.
You are always at choice, you are always responsible for how you feel. He will never force or manipulate you there (as much as you may want him to) – guide you and penetrate your bullshit, perhaps – but never do it for you.
You don’t need to be “saved”; you are an incredibly powerful sovereign being. A mature, capable lover will create a space that inspires “saving” yourself; to be empowered and realize self-love.
* * *
Notice what you felt, who you imagined, what stories you brought to the scene. Everything was by design.
- What is your definition of “surrender”? How does the idea itself feel to you?
- Did you assume it was your partner or a stranger?
- A man with good intentions or bad ones? Did you assume he was a generous or selfish lover?
- What pace and timing? Do you allow yourself to indulge or did you have him race through?
- Even though I specifically stated that you enjoyed and desired these things, did you feel or think about how you wouldn’t want or like them?
- How much and at what parts of the story did you feel resistance? What are you so afraid of?
- Did you want to attack or get upset with me as you read certain parts? What are those same judgements about yourself?
- Did you feel any shame, guilt, shyness, excitement, etc.? Did you allow yourself to feel it, or did you make a judgement on your feelings instead?
- Can you remember times when you chose not to surrender at similar points in the story? What was preventing you?
- Can you remember being with somebody with whom it was easy to surrender? What was it about them that made it so comfortable to? How are you denying yourself from those qualities on your own?
- Who/what are you blaming? Does that truly make you feel powerful or helpless?
- How at peace are you with sexual polarity and the masculine/feminine dynamics?
- Did you noticed there’s always another level deeper to surrender to?
- Did you realize this ultimately has nothing to do with the man and sex, and everything to do with you? Do you see that as me “blaming” you or as an empowering opportunity for self-growth?
Take the time to be honest with yourself and answer these questions – it will change your sex life. All your stories, assumptions, beliefs, conditionings lead to a perfect reflection of how you relate to sexual surrender in real life, either empowering or disempowering.
If this was highly enjoyable to you without fear or trepidation, great! You likely relate well to your feminine sexuality and are having satisfying sex. See if you can dive a bit deeper… how can you use this to make your sex life even better?
If you’ve been triggered by this, great! Feel all of it. Feel it deeply without judgement. People think getting triggered is bad or mean – it’s not. It’s love. It’s saying: “I care enough about myself to see me as whole/complete/not-broken person, rather than buy into these destructive behaviors and stories that keep me in victimhood”. There’s nothing wrong with you; there’s no one wrong way or right way. There’s simply aspects of yourself that you’re out of relationship with or no longer serve you.
You can get offended or upset, remaining a victim to your unhappy stories, and your life will stay the same. Or, you can accept wherever you are and walk away with an expanded awareness of self. You can face your fears and grow with more self-love, or you can continue to deny yourself everything you want. If you feel the discord, it’s a sign that you need to get into relationship with what that is – not make me, the story, men, or yourself wrong.
When are you going to surrender? How can you surrender yet another layer deeper?